I can really get frustrated when God doesn’t tell me His plan. Doesn’t He understand that I need to know? I’ve got things to do, people to see! How am I supposed to do that effectively if I don’t know the details of His plan?
God has a chuckle every time I talk to him like that.
The sad thing is, I know full well I don’t need to know every detail of His plans for me. I just don’t. How would I ever learn to trust Him if I always knew what was going to happen? But I’m ornery. I’m stubborn. I wanna know, dangit!
God is so gentle, though, isn’t He? He’s patient and kind. He knows how much I love Him and how much I struggle with trusting Him. So He shows me love instead of wrath.
The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, 7 keeping steadfast love for thousands,[a] forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.” Exodus 34:6-7
When I was in the hospital, God did something that I can’t stop thinking about. (To be honest, He did a lot of things I can’t stop thinking about!) He showed up, faithful and true, while I was sedated and saying all kinds of weird stuff.
I wasn’t really there in my mind. I was intubated, sedated, in terrible pain, and I definitely didn’t know the plan. But God did. And He showed up.
Over and over again, people have been telling me how the Glory of the Lord was there with me in the ICU. It overwhelmed people with love and peace and light.
I didn’t need to know all the details. I still don’t know them all. I will likely never know. Propofol and Fentanyl did a great job in handling my pain (apparently) and giving me solid amnesia for two weeks. Like John Snow, I knew nothing.
And God showed up.
That was all I had to do, too. I showed up. I showed up in delirious pain, full of drugs to keep me “comfortable”, and I demanded nothing. I was just there.
God is so good. All we have to do is show up. Really. We don’t need to know anything else. I’m learning this slowly. But God is patient with me. I will forever worship Him for His love is enduring and patient and kind.
8 And Moses quickly bowed his head toward the earth and worshiped. 9 And he said, “If now I have found favor in your sight, O Lord, please let the Lord go in the midst of us, for it is a stiff-necked people, and pardon our iniquity and our sin, and take us for your inheritance.” Exodus 34:8-9
Stiff necked as we are, God shows up. Why should we try do anything more?