Posted on by Daisy Joan

Trust

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

I am having a hard time processing things, God.  It’s been brought to my attention that I’ve not had humility in regard to all that has happened over the last few weeks.  Lord, my heart is to lift You up. My heart is to acknowledge your sovereignty amidst the trials and tribulations of this world.  You said to us that in this world we would have trouble. And Lord, we have had our share of trouble. But is it trouble to magnify your name when my world is collapsing around me?  Is it trouble to focus on your redemptive power and your reconciling love when I’m being tossed to and fro by the seas of chaos that dominate this world?

Jesus, my friend, I’m struggling with all of this.  I’ve been told I need to repent, that I need to reflect on how I let this all happen.  I’ve been told that there must be holes in our defenses that allowed this attack to happen.  

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
Psalm 139:1-4

So, how did this happen God?  I know that I haven’t been a perfect parent, God.  I’ve made mistakes. I’ve set a poor example at times.  But, Lord, when all of this happened, when the world was a tumult of accusations and insults from the enemy, I saw Your glorious hand at work.  I saw your mighty arm stretched out over me as a shield. I saw the real result of my parenting in my children. Not in their failures, Father, but in their victory through You.  

Lord, I just want to lift up your name.  I want to show the world that you are faithful even when we are faithless.

if we are faithless, he remains faithful—
for he cannot deny himself.
2 Timothy 2:13

But Lord, was I faithless?  Lord, you came in my weakness!  Shouldn’t that be what I lift up to the world?  Lord, was my weakness a failure? Have I been lying to myself to think that I did nothing wrong?  Is it a lie to acknowledge to myself and to others that you are at work even though I’m not perfect?  Am I supposed to pick apart and second guess my parenting because this all has happened? I don’t know, God.

I will continue to read and follow Your Word.  I will continue to work through my issues in Christian counseling to set my eyes on You and what you are doing, instead of on my failures.  I will continue to confess and reach out for help from my community of Christian friends when I need help. I don’t know that there’s anything more I can do or should do.  I know you hear me, God. And I know your plans for me are good. I will trust you.

In my distress I called upon the Lord;
    to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice,
    and my cry to him reached his ears.
Psalm 18:6

I will trust You, God.  You have heard me and Your plans for me are good.  I will trust You.

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Posted on by Daisy Joan

Personal Reflections

God, I don’t even know what to say sometimes.  I don’t know how I feel. Or what I want or need.  I trust You but I’m afraid. There is so much going on all around me.  I feel alone at times. Dark and lost. But in you there is no darkness.  You are light. You see it all and you still love me.

Help me to feel your love.  Help me to trust you. Help me to know that you care and that you are there for me all the time.

Help me not be so hard on myself.  

Help me.

Posted on by Daisy Joan

Broken Alabaster Jar

“While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of Simon the Leper,  a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table.”

Matthew 26:6-7

Jesus, my love, my savior, my brother, my Lord, thank you for Mary and her alabaster jar of perfume:  this precious gift from her to you, that no one understood.  It made people jealous and angry and irritated.  But you honored her and her gift.  Her love poured out on you, just as you would pour your love out on us.  She gave you the most expensive, most beautiful thing she had and she offered it to you, and anointed you, and walked with you to the cross and to your death with her gift of perfume.  She acted out real devotion to you and you acknowledged her.  Love like that it what you long for from everyone.  Deep, sacrificial love, like the love you have for us.  A love that gives us everything.  We don’t deserve it, but you do!  

My sweet love, show me how to give you my everything, as you showed us all on the cross.  Show me what true devotion and love and honor look like fresh every day.  Fresh every moment.  May my heart be filled with the deep, enduring, eternal love that would take you down the road of deep suffering and anguish just to save me.  Just to be my champion.  My warrior.  My King.  

I don’t want honor, Lord.  I want you to be honored.  I want to love you in a way that no one else even understands.  To love you so perfectly and so boldly as to surrender all my rights and all my worth to you for you to be lifted up.  For you to be proclaimed as King once more.  I want the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart to be pleasing to you, oh Lord, my Rock, and my Redeemer.  I want the world to know that you are God and I am not.  

You have called out to me and I have answered you.  You saved me.  You hold me.  You honor me with your death and resurrection.  You gave it all for me, my love.  You gave it all for me and I want to give you all of me in return.  Help me to not hold anything back. Help me not to seek any of my own glory.  Help me to only seek you. Amen.

 

Posted on by Daisy Joan

Salvation Belongs to the Lord

“Salvation belongs to the Lord.”  Jonah 2:9

Father, salvation belongs to you and you alone!  You are merciful and full of love!  While we were your enemies you died for us.  So, Jesus, I’m so sorry for all the times I had hate in my heart instead of mercy, for all the times I wanted to see vengeance poured out on my enemies instead of love and mercy.  My heart aches to realize that there are times when I have run away from your mercy for others because of my own hurt or anger.  I’ve looked at the evil in the world and I’ve longed to see you put it to an end, and I know that one day you will do that.  You will put an end to the rampant sin of the sons of disobedience.  But before you do that you offer your salvation.  You say in your word that it is your heart that all would find redemption and reconciliation in you.  So, I’m sorry that, like Jonah, I have questioned your love for others while freely accepting it for myself.  Thank you that you have forgiven me.

So now Lord, I lift up to you your enemies.  I lift up to you the murderers, the rapists, the pedophiles, the liars, the cheaters, the profaners, the torturers.  I lift up the broken, the bruised, the beaten, the subjugated.  You died for them all.  You died for them and paid the price for their sins that they could find joy and peace and have changed hearts.  Salvation belongs to you alone, Jesus.  And you have chosen us all “from the foundation of the world”.  Who am I to question it?  Your love is greater than me.  Your mercy is greater than me.  Your heart is greater than my heart.  Your ways are higher than my ways.  Salvation belongs to you.  So use me to share your love with those who don’t have it.  Use me to love those who have no love.  Use me to bring life to those who are walking in death.  Use me to offer the cleansing love of your Son to those who are dirty and ruled by sin.  Use me, God.  Here I am.  Send me.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit in me.” Psalm 51:10

Amen.