hope

From Strength to Strength

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

God, it’s been a rough week, but you have “upheld me with your righteous right hand”. It’s true, every moment felt worse than the last. The onslaught of the enemy was vicious. It was cruel. It was painful. It seemed to go on forever. Yet through it all, you were there. Your enduring and steadfast love was a triumphant sound that shook the heavens. Your banner over me was love, and your peace washed over me time and time again.  

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
Romans 5:1-5

For a long time I’ve known that suffering produces endurance, then character, then hope, but God I really never had a grasp on how it could possibly make me happy, or how I could “rejoice in my suffering”.  Sure, I knew that I should rejoice, but actual rejoicing was a real struggling. I don’t like hurting. I don’t like suffering. I’m not a masochist! Why on earth would I want to suffer?! But I couldn’t reconcile that with how Jesus suffered, or how he willingly went to the cross, allowed himself to be tortured and mocked, and then murdered.  I knew it was because of love, but I couldn’t figure out the joy part. There’s joy in the resurrection, not the suffering, right?

Wrong.

There is joy in both.  One leads to the other.  

 “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver;
    I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.”
Isaiah 48:10

It all hit me this week.  It hit me so hard, it would have knocked me down if I hadn’t been held up by your righteous right hand.  This furnace of affliction was no different than the literal furnace of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednigo. It was terrifying, but you stood with them, and you stand with me.  Through it all you were there, and you are here now. Amidst all this incredible trial, suffering, and pain, I watched the springs of living water burst forth out of the desert.  Every time I’d falter, you’d raise me up again. Your strength would fill me. Your endurance sustained me. Your joy sprang forth! Your love permeated my steps, and all around me people were blessed.  The peace and strength and joy you gave me to endure, blessed everyone who witnessed it! Everyone! And that brought so much joy.

I remember collapsing onto my bed after so many hours with my daughter in the hospital, and the people who came around me to be with her so I could go home and sleep.  Instead of sorrow, I was filled with joy. You provided and sustained me. And you provided peace and rest. I fell asleep speaking your praises. Your presence filled my vision and my heart.  Your love endured. And as the days went on, and I traveled back and forth to the hospital day after day, you continued to provide: not just for me, but for everyone around us. And you’re doing it still.  Your strength refreshes daily within me.

And so I will go from strength to strength, trusting in your provision of steadfast love, and the strength you provide.  I will rejoice and be glad, because your strength always renews.  And that strength brings rivers of living water to everyone who sees it.

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
    in whose heart are the highways to Zion.
6 As they go through the Valley of Baca
    they make it a place of springs;
    the early rain also covers it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength;
    each one appears before God in Zion.
Psalms 84:5-7

 

Tears in a Bottle

“You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in a bottle,
Are they not in your books?”
Psalm 56:8

God, I feel like I’m walking through mud.  I’m stuck in all this struggle and I’m overwhelmed and frustrated and sad.  It’s so hard to pick up my feet and take another step. I know you are with me.  I know you care for me. I know I can cast my burdens upon you and be sustained by you, but I’m struggling.  The attack from the enemy is so strong. It is relentless. It is consuming. It’s hard, God.

“My heart is in anguish within me;
    the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
5 Fear and trembling come upon me,
    and horror overwhelms me.”
Psalm 55:4-5

In the onslaught I struggle to hear you.  In the tumult my heart is aching. My eyes are blinded by tears and anger and futility.  I wallow in it. I don’t know why I do, but my heart truly is in anguish within me. I can’t turn around without hearing the taunts of the enemy.  My fear holds me hostage. My anguish paralyzes me.

“But I call to God,
    and the Lord will save me.
17 Evening and morning and at noon
    I utter my complaint and moan,
    and he hears my voice.
18 He redeems my soul in safety
    from the battle that I wage,
    for many are arrayed against me.”
Psalm 55:16-18

You hear me, God, when I call out to you.  You hear me and save me. You long for me to be in peace with you and in my life.  You bring the Prince of Peace to my heart and to my mind. My head rests in your lap and I am comforted.  I am covered by your love and your mercy. You will save me. You have saved me. I am yours. I am saved from the wrath of my own condemnation.  I am saved from the fear of my own failings and doubt. I am free from the lords that once ruled me and molested my heart. I can have peace in your arms.  I can rest in your love.

   “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.
    This is the Lord; we have waited for him;
    let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”
Isaiah 25:9

 

God is Faithful

“Why do the nations rage and the people plot in vain?”
Psalm 2:1

 

God, I just don’t get it.  Why are people so stubborn?  Why do they insist on following false gods and false pleasure and false life that leads to death?  Why do I do these things? Why am I so disobedient?

15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.
16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good.
17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t.
19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.
20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.
22 I love God’s law with all my heart.
23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.
24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?
25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
Romans 7:15-25

I know the answers, God.  Just like Paul knew the answers.  So, yet again I give it to you. I’ll try to trust you and be thankful for your grace.  I will praise you because your love is bigger than mine. Your forgiveness is bigger than mine.  You forgive me even though I struggle to forgive myself. I want to find rest and peace in it, God.  In your grace, I want to find rest. Help me, God. Help my disbelief. Help me to find rest and peace.  Help me obey you. Help me know that following you brings life.

So why do the nations rage and the people plot in vain?  Because we can’t seem to help ourselves, no matter how hard we try. So, thank you that your love is bigger and your mercy is bigger, and your forgiveness is bigger, and your heart is bigger, and your life is bigger.  Thank you.  Thank you that your love endures forever and that your faithfulness is true.

“if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.”
2 Timothy 2:13

Preparing for Battle

Image result for armor of god

The armor of God has always been one of my favorite passages, but Lord when I’m fighting I seem to forget almost every bit of it!  In the heat of the moment I run into the fight without being prepared.  I let the confidence in my faith replace my faith.  Lord, renew my mind.  Renew my thinking.  How can I be strong in You if I am focused on me?  How can I fight with my hands when You are the one “who has trained my hands for war and my fingers for battle”? (Psalm 144:1)

Lord, be my strength and my armor.  The only way I can stand against the schemes of the enemy is by Your power.  If I have been made the righteousness of God, then let me walk in that righteousness and not my own!  I’m not fighting a physical fight.  I’m fighting a spiritual fight.  A fight that never ends, but one that I can endure through your power.  I know it’s not against flesh and blood that I fight.  So, Lord, help me not to fight in flesh and blood.  Help me to fight in spirit!  Clad in your salvation, your righteousness, your peace, your truth, your faith, and your Word.

It seems so obvious God.  You don’t just cover me with the armor of your own body, you fill me.  You and I are one if only I would let you rule in my heart!  You have given me “a new self, a new life, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:24)  

So, God, I’m asking you to keep me clad in your robe of righteousness.  Keep me clad in your full armor, day and night, so that I am indeed ready for the siege of the enemy.  He is relentlessly barraging me with arrows, but your Faith is enduring.  It doesn’t fail.  It doesn’t falter. Help me not to partner with the darkness and the desires of my flesh.  Help me instead to partner with you, in your light and love.  Help me to honor all that you have done for me by taking the time to be obedient to your requests so that I can conquer the enemy day in and day out through the power of your Spirit.  

It’s not rocket science, God.  It’s so simple.  It’s so honest and gentle and perfect because that is who you are, Jesus.  That is who you are.  So, in order to be perfect as you are perfect, I must let you lead me in all things.  I need to diligently relinquish myself to the desires of my sinful nature, and fully embrace the gentle cleansing and perfecting of Your presence in me.  You create in me a clean heart.  You restore my soul.  You wrap yourself around me and place your tent over me to protect me.  No weapon formed against me can stand against You.  

I will pray at all times in the spirit, and keep alert with perseverance, because you have made me to endure and to persevere.  I will stand and boldly proclaim the gospel for which I am an ambassador.  Then people will see you and know you through me.  And you will be glorified.  And you will be exalted.  And you will truly be the king of my heart.

I love you, Jesus.  I will keep trying.

God’s Poetry in Us

 

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

Ephesians 2:10

 

Heavenly Father, God, Creator of all things, you hear me and love me and know my heart.  You know me in my innermost being.  You made me.  You knit me together in my mother’s womb.  You created me to be your masterpiece of love and joy.  In all the world, in all who have been made and walked the other, there is no one else like me.  I am completely unique.  Like every star in the sky.  Unique and special and made for a purpose.  Lord, thank you for making me.  Thank you for gifting me with all good gifts.  Your love has made me your servant for eternity, but not just to serve you but to be a part of your family, to be an heir to your kingdom along with Jesus.  Therefore, Daddy, teach me your ways, show me your path, guide my steps in the right truth of your covenant made with Abraham, so that I can be a part of all that you wanted from me and hoped for me from the beginning of Creation.  I marvel, my Lord, at what you have done in me, and at the miracle of who I am and what you have hoped for me from the very start of time itself.  

I want to serve you, God.  I want to worship you.  If all I do is sing your praise then I am satisfied, so long is that is what you ask me to do.  I pray Lord that all people, all nations, all kings and princes, all beggars and soldiers, all oppressed and oppressing would know you with the same intimacy that you have given me.  The same intimacy that you have given all your children through the divine power of the Holy Spirit.  What an incredible gift!  To have such intimacy with you!  And that is all you have ever wanted from humanity, for each and every one of us, to be your FRIENDS, to be your partners.  You chose us all from the very beginning.  What joy that is.  What peace it provides!  How could anyone doubt the truth of your intentions?  Because all you have ever wanted is to love us and know us.  

In you is no darkness.  Not one shadow can exist in the light of your presence.  Not one evil thought can endure.  Not one evil deed can succeed in your Holy light.  So, deliver us from the darkness of this fallen world and from the powers and principalities of this present darkness.  This world doesn’t belong to them.  We claim it for you once more, Father God.  For the sake of your son and for His sacrifice, we lift up Jesus as our King.  We are no longer slaves to fear and doubt, to the evil and corruptible things of this world.  We stand in your light and are not consumed because you have saved us!  You have defeated the enemy!  

Give me joy in the battle, Lord. You will rescue me from every evil deed.  I will find you in the waiting and know that you are my God and that I am your daughter and a joint heir with Jesus.  Jesus has asked for the nations, Lord.  Give them to him!  Increase your Kingdom!  Cleanse this place once and for all.  

Give strength to your workers and endurance for the days to come.  Darkness thinks it is winning.  There is darkness everywhere today, Lord.  Darkness on every street corner.  In every place.  The human condition has been tainted, Lord and all are lost.  But you have saved us through your son.  You have brought light into the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it, no matter how hard it tries.  Help us to hold onto that promise as the days grow dimmer and dimmer around us.  Help us to be your light and life.  Shine through us, as we allow your Spirit to have dominion over our hearts.  Let us all be well equipped to be your light bearers, wherever we go.

I long for your peace, Lord.  I long for your rest.  Give us endurance.  Give us peace and rest.  Come Lord Jesus, Come!  Return to your people once again.  Restore your Kingdom.  Amen.