“You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in a bottle,
Are they not in your books?”
God, I feel like I’m walking through mud. I’m stuck in all this struggle and I’m overwhelmed and frustrated and sad. It’s so hard to pick up my feet and take another step. I know you are with me. I know you care for me. I know I can cast my burdens upon you and be sustained by you, but I’m struggling. The attack from the enemy is so strong. It is relentless. It is consuming. It’s hard, God.
“My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
5 Fear and trembling come upon me,
and horror overwhelms me.”
In the onslaught I struggle to hear you. In the tumult my heart is aching. My eyes are blinded by tears and anger and futility. I wallow in it. I don’t know why I do, but my heart truly is in anguish within me. I can’t turn around without hearing the taunts of the enemy. My fear holds me hostage. My anguish paralyzes me.
“But I call to God,
and the Lord will save me.
17 Evening and morning and at noon
I utter my complaint and moan,
and he hears my voice.
18 He redeems my soul in safety
from the battle that I wage,
for many are arrayed against me.”
You hear me, God, when I call out to you. You hear me and save me. You long for me to be in peace with you and in my life. You bring the Prince of Peace to my heart and to my mind. My head rests in your lap and I am comforted. I am covered by your love and your mercy. You will save me. You have saved me. I am yours. I am saved from the wrath of my own condemnation. I am saved from the fear of my own failings and doubt. I am free from the lords that once ruled me and molested my heart. I can have peace in your arms. I can rest in your love.
“Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.
This is the Lord; we have waited for him;
let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”