The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, 7 keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.” Exodus 34:6-7
Why have I ever questioned Your faithfulness, God? You define Yourself as faithful and yet I forget to trust You in that. I want to trust You more God. The desire of my heart is to trust You in all things and be lifted up out of the pit by Your faithful hand, because You are faithful.
The world is fallen into deep chaos, God. Idolatry, murder, sexual immorality, and evil of all kinds commands this world in an orchestra of personal passion mixed with the screams of the innocent. It can be pretty terrifying, God. Evil rules and evil wins all the time. We are barraged with the cannon fire of the enemy at every turn. The spiritual battle waged against us is real. It is painful. It is discouraging. It is real.
But, You, Oh God, are faithful.
You answer evil with the victory of Jesus. You answer hatred with the love of forgiveness. You answer the lusts of the flesh with the intimacy of unconditional acceptance. Why would anyone choose anything else? You abound in steadfast love and yet the world mocks what You offer and chooses to go their own way. How it must break Your heart to see people stubbornly refuse Your love and faithfulness. How it must sadden You to watch people twist Your offer of acceptance into a license to do whatever pleases them.
People are ruled by the desires of their own hearts. People have chosen to decide for themselves what is “good” and what is “evil”. From the moment Adam and Eve ate from the tree, people stopped trusting You and chose instead to trust themselves. People will permit all sorts of evil now, God. How it must sadden You!
Trusting You is the better way. You bring order from chaos. You offer life over death. You bring restoration instead of decay. It’s pretty clear that Your way is the better way, because Your way brings life! In a world that longs to live forever, why would anyone choose to go their own way? Why would anyone choose death over life? Help me to show them, God. Help me to tell them. Help me to live so that others want life, too.
Life is found in You alone.
Here is a message from Nasser al’Qahtani regarding Exodus 34:6-7.
Over the years I have fallen in love with reading the Word of God. I love the truth that I find there, the promises, the grace, the freedom. But when my heart is heavy and I get depressed, I feel a war on my spirit that tries to keep me from the Word. I get caught up in sadness and loneliness. I know that in the Word I can find truth and comfort, and yet I get so sad that I don’t want to read. And I sure don’t want to write about it.
I’ve been in that place over the last few weeks. I have days when I want to read and write and pray, and other days when I can’t even hardly look at the Bible on the table, let alone read it. There is life there and I push it away in frustration, anger, hurt, sadness, or doubt. Why?
Because the Bible is no more an instant fix to my problems than Jesus. While it is a comfort and it holds truth and life, it doesn’t change the situations I’m in. It doesn’t fix all the worry or struggles I’m facing. It doesn’t shoot out twenty dollar bills when I open it, or cause wars to cease in the world or in my heart.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
1 Corinthians 13:12
Because the Bible is only a glimpse of God. It’s only a taste of things to come. It offers the answer to life’s biggest problem: what can be done about the evil in the world, and how can we be saved from the evil in our own hearts. But the final judgement is yet to come. And until then, I’m stuck in this world, with the promises of God warring with the evil in my own heart.
For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. Romans 7:18-20
So my sin will keep acting within me. I know the promises of God are true. I know that my only salvation from the evil of my own heart and the world is found in Jesus. And I know that He has given me the promise of His salvation by putting a deposit of His own Spirit within me.
In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit,14 who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.
Ephesians 1:13-14
And until that day that Jesus returns and I receive that full inheritance promised me. I must accept the fact that I’m going to have bad days. I’m going to have days of sin and doubt. Then enemy continues to war against me. My own sin wars against me. The sin of others wars against me. All of the things of this world war against me. I’ve got to be patient. I’ve got to wait it out. I’m not alone. We suffer together, struggling with the war that rages all around us. And we’ll all get through it.
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
1 Peter 5:6-10
So, have hope. It’s not over yet. And Jesus will restore us. That’s a promise.
Father, why is it that we always seem to seek our value in our own terms and not by Yours? Over and over again You tell us that our value comes from Your love for us, and yet over and over again, we seek to make our value in ourselves.
Jesus, in Luke 15 and the parables of the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the lost son you showed us what our value looks like. It is completely independent of our circumstance. Whether we’re just unwittingly lost, like the sheep, or lost by the carelessness of another person, like the sheep, or whether we’re lost by the pure foolishness of our own heart, like the prodigal son, the value of each was equally as precious to You.
Your love is completely independent from our circumstances.
You made us all. We rightfully belong to You as our Maker. Yet we place our value on our own deeds, our circumstances, or our expectations. But You look to each one of us and say, “You are mine. You are worth everything to me. You are valuable to me!” That value doesn’t rely on us at all!
The celebration comes when we recognize that You have given us our value. When we turn away from defending our poor behavior and defining ourselves based on our own perceived merit we can finally see that Your value for us is all that matters. And You love us! We are worth everything to You and when we finally see that and turn to You to receive Your love, there is much celebrating for us and for You!
Thank You, God, for loving me. Thank You, God for defining me as someone who is valued and loved by You. I am someone who is worth dying for, not because I did anything to earn it, but because You made me and You I am highly valued by You! Yay! Thank You!
And when his disciples asked him what this parable meant, 10 he said, “To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of God, but for others they are in parables, so that ‘seeing they may not see, and hearing they may not understand.’ Luke 8:9-10
You explain things so clearly to anyone who wants to understand. I love that about You, God. The ability to learn and understand the mysteries and wisdom that come from You are found in the humility to put aside my own thinking and reason to be taught by You. That was the problem with the Pharisees. Those lovers of the Law were really lovers of themselves and the percieved piety they recieved from the obedience to your statutes. But they were missing the point entirely! If anyone hears your law and only obeys it to impress or feel better about themselves they are not catching the heart of what the Law has brought.
Paul talked about the Law making clear to us the Truth of who You are and are inability to have fellowship with You. He taught that inevitibly Your perfect law made clear our failing annd pronounced death upon us. But it was our sin that brought death, not the law itself. So acting out the Law, if it didn’t teach the person to know and understand Your heart and Your desire to bring forgiveness of sin, gained nothing from obedience to that law. Without the faith to know that You are salvation, not the Law, a person is lost forever. They will never understand, will they? They’ll just be stuck in the death of their sin, instead of the life that can only be offered by You.
7 What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.”8 But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kinds of covetousness. For apart from the law, sin lies dead. 9 I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. 10 The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me. 11 For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. 12 So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good.
13 Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure. 14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. 15 For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. Romans 7:7-25
But being poor in spirit and humble in knowledge, gives me the right to learn and understand Your greatest mysteries because I’m willing to let You teach me. As I recognize the deeper and deeper need for You to be my advocate in all aspects of my life, I find You willing and ready to teach me. And that’s how You used parables. You showed people that if they were willing to be taught, instead of just having it all spelled out for them to figure out on their own, they could inherit a deep and meaningful fellowship with You that can be found in no other way.
But if a person is stubborn, and refuses to be taught, but only wants to lift up their own wisdom and understanding, then they can never learn even the simplest of lessons from You. And of course the simplest lesson of all is that You came down to earth as a man to be our bridge between yourself and us. And anyone willing to follow You at all cost will find the richness of Your love, Your forgiveness, and Your eternal life. So, that’s why the disciples had been given the ability to learn the secrets of the Kingdom of God. Because they were humble enough to give up trying to find You or serve You on their own.
You love that, don’t You?! You just love people to acknowledge that they need You and want Your help! It’s not complicated. It was never supposed to be complicated. Help me to be poor in spirit like that! Teach me to be humble and to learn from You. Don’t ever let me rely on my own reason above Your own. Help me to know the depth and mystery of Your Love.
And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.
Luke 6:20
God, I don’t even know what to say sometimes. I don’t know how I feel. Or what I want or need. I trust You but I’m afraid. There is so much going on all around me. I feel alone at times. Dark and lost. But in you there is no darkness. You are light. You see it all and you still love me.
Help me to feel your love. Help me to trust you. Help me to know that you care and that you are there for me all the time.
Jesus, thank you for revealing yourself to the World through your resurrection! You truly are alive just as you said you would be! I’m so thankful for your life, Lord! I know that it means I have life. You have utterly defeated the world, sin and death. They no longer have power. All authority has been given to You! And you have used that authority to empower us with Your Spirit and give us authority as well. We share in your rulership! How wonderful!
We are so broken, so foolish, so full of failure and yet you still chose to become like us, in the form of a man, with all the human flaws and failings at peak potential in your own body, but you overcame it all. Your resurrection proves it! The tomb is empty because you are alive.
Lord, thank you for teaching us all about who you are through the scriptures. Thank you that you walk with us and patiently show us the revelation of your identity through the prophets of the old testament so that we can fully consume and understand who you are and what you have done for us. It is incredible, God.
And he said to them, “O foolish ones, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! 26 Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory?” 27 And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself. Luke 24:25-27
I worship you, Jesus! I worship you and love you for what you have done!
Disobedience brought death into the world. You’ve always told us that. From the very beginning you told us that if we listened to You and trusted that Your plans for us were full of good things, that we would be with you forever and never know death. All we ever had to do was trust you. But we got tricked into thinking we couldn’t trust you, didn’t we? And it brought us nothing but fear. Lord, you never wanted us to be afraid of you. It was only after we had been shown what disobedience looked and felt like in the Garden that we became afraid.
8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” 11 He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” Genesis 3:8-11
I don’t know why we’ve always tried to make it so complicated. You’ve kept it simple from the beginning God. From the time of Adam and Eve, you showed us that we had brought death to ourselves and to the world. When Adam and Eve became aware of their nakedness, they tried to cover themselves with leaves, but you took animals, killed them, and gave the skins to them to cover themselves. You showed them in an action that the knowledge of their nakedness as shameful to them brought to them death. Only death could cover it.
And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them. Genesis 3:21
With Moses things were no different. You met him on the mountain. You told him that you were trustworthy and that if he trusted you Moses could lead all the people into trusting Him in freedom. You gave him some rules to show him how righteous and good and fair you are, and how breaking those rules would only bring death. You showed him and he believed you.
And then you showed the people how to remember your promises and how to remember you are trustworthy. You gave them the plans for the tabernacle. And every inch of the tabernacle declared your promise that you are trustworthy and that your plans for people were to be clothed for “glory and for beauty” (Exodus 28:2). You laid out your grand design for humanity with the designs of the tabernacle, completed with mercy at the center where you met face to face with mankind.
34 You shall put the mercy seat on the ark of the testimony in the Most Holy Place. Exodus 26:34
The mercy seat covered the arc of the testimony. The arc held the law, but the testimony of it was not the law, but Your desire to show us that disobedience brings death, but trusting You brings mercy. It was a physical representation of your desire for us to be together, for us to trust you. Your mercy covers the law. Your mercy has dominion over the law. Your mercy is the answer, but the sacrifice of blood is meant to show you that we understand what the knowledge of good and evil brings to us and to the world. It brings death. When we understand that we can receive your mercy.
I receive your mercy new today, Lord. Sin brings death, but you have brought mercy through your son, Jesus, who had victory over sin and death through his resurrection. I receive your mercy new today, Lord. Give me the grace to receive your mercy new each moment by your Spirit in me.
Lord, I’ve been thinking about everything that has happened over the last couple of weeks. At one point I had both of my daughters in the hospital at the same time, and as I began to list off all the things in my brain that have happened just in the last two weeks, I started to really feel like Paul, bragging about all my afflictions to boast about my weakness. I know I’ve been talking to people a lot about my weakness lately, and all the joy you’ve given me, but God, I’m feeling the pressure, too. I’m feeling the weight of it all. My heart breaks to look at my girls and all the suffering they have endured just in the last two weeks. And I hate the enemy for what he has tried to do to our family! And here I am, boasting about all this trouble!
But whatever anyone else dares to boast of—I am speaking as a fool—I also dare to boast of that. 22 Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they offspring of Abraham? So am I. 23 Are they servants of Christ? I am a better one—I am talking like a madman—with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, with countless beatings, and often near death. 24 Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; 26 on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; 27 in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. 28 And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. 29 Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant? 2 Corinthians 11: 21-28
I understand why you’ve let this happen. You have shown us so much grace and blessed us beyond measure through it all. Money, friendship, joy, peace, security, you’ve given it all! Every time I tried to fall into sorrow, you would bring your peace. When the desire to wallow in self-pity wanted to erupt from every pore of my body, you brought your joy. Miracles were happening, Jesus. So many miracles in my flesh, there are too many to count, as time and time again your faithfulness endured when my heart faltered.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:23-25
Yet, here I am Lord. I’m struggling. I’m irritable. I’m tired. And I find myself asking: where’s the miracle in my flesh right now? And I realize I haven’t had solid time in the Word over the last two weeks. I’ve managed a few minutes everyday, but I’m used to a few hours. I’m used to solid, deep, meditative time. That first night in the ER I had hours and hours of reading the Psalms. It sustained me in the pit of Hell that the enemy wanted me to see with all of the human suffering happening all around me. We were in a “bed” in a hallway next to a delirious homeless man, and in the bed beyond him, another man just like him. But your Word sustained us. I read it aloud. I prayed aloud. I prayed with those men. I brought them water. I held their hands and prayed for them. I shared your love and your promises, as my suffering daughter, between bouts of her own suffering, did the same! Because your Word sustained us and comforted us. And most importantly, it empowered us. That ER became our mission field.
I’ve missed your Word, God! The distractions have seduced me away from you and I’m struggling without it. The reading of your Word is a luxury whose denial has hurt me worse than the any of the other trials I’ve had to deal with. And it amazes me that so many of your kids struggle to give you five minutes a day. Don’t they know that Jesus is the Word made flesh? That his flesh made words is your scripture? That your promises, your love, your glory are all revealed in the Word? They are content with milk, not even ready for anything else, because they are caught up in the desires and demands of their flesh alone.
But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. 2 I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready,3 for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? 1 Corinthians 3:1-3
And people think that a few sips of “milk” on a Sunday morning offered by some summary of someone else’s meditations on you is enough to nourish them? No wonder they’re still babies! No wonder they fall into despair over such minor things! You’ve seen all the well intentioned people asking us how we’re doing. You’ve seen the curiosity on their faces when we showed your strength, your joy, your peace! And now I know why they don’t understand. They’ve never experienced it before, God! These babies in the faith, drinking sips of milk once or twice a week, proud of how many times they’ve walked through the doors of the church in seven days time, and never once finding the rest of your Sabbath. Never once have they found the joy of your salvation. They work in the spirit of their own flesh, and fight battles with foam swords and paper shields.
I choose your sword, God. The sword of the Spirit that is the Word of God. I choose your shield. The shield of faith that extinguishes all the flaming darts of the evil one.
16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. Ephesians 6:16-20
God, I am your righteousness, made by the blood of Jesus.
For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21
I will walk in that truth and in that promise. Though I float adrift a night and a day at sea, I will boast again and again in your power and strength and joy revealed in me. I will sound like a fool and boast in my weakness and boast in my suffering, and boast in my many, many struggles, Lord.
Because in my weakness you are strong.
Lord Jesus, show the world the power of your promises through my suffering. Show them what your peace looks like through me. I am so jealous for my time with you, God, and even this morning, I’ve had a million interruptions. Just now, writing about interruptions I was interrupted five times. Hashtag momlife. But God, I’m not going to stop. I’m not going to let this be another shipwreck if I can’t boast about it to the world and show them your power made perfect even in my interruptions. I choose you, God. I choose your peace. Even in the chaos.
I am so weak, God. My life is in a constant state of turmoil. My babies are beaten against the rocks. My heart breaks. My world is shaken. And yet the audacity of your love is to pour out strength, pour out peace, and pour out love. It makes no sense in human standards. It makes no sense to me. I can’t even begin to explain the logic behind it. I’ve read it and quoted it in your Word a thousand times. I’ve bragged on your power! I’ve bragged on my weakness. But you still keep showing me more and more and more. The weaker I get, the harder things get, the deeper the struggles I must endure, the stronger my peace, my joy, and my love because of you.
For when I am weak, then I am strong
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Certainly if I tried to explain it, I would fail. People would laugh and call me a fool if they didn’t see it with their own eyes. If they hadn’t watched it all play out in front of them, they would never have understood it. hey would think I am strong. They would think I was great. Because they can’t see my heart and my struggle and my peace, except by the work of my hands that you have blessed. Your light shines through the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. That describes my experience. That embodies my joy.
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5
Your light shines. Your peace rules. Your power abounds in my weakness.
So, here I am boasting in weakness, because: WOW! Your power really is made perfect in weakness. I have seen it first hand. And I have felt the joy and peace that have come from your Spirit. It makes no sense, but it has happened. Why would I ever want to be anything else but weak? The power of God is beyond joy and love and peace. It is the perfect testimony of God’s Spirit within me. It has built my faith in ways I could never have dreamed of. It has created deeper bonds of love and insight and connection between us, God! I want more! Let the world see my weakness, Jesus. Let the world see how mighty you are to save!
Beloved, how wonderful You are! How great are your works! I continue to marvel at your incredible mercy and love, especially as we labor through trials. Through it all you have revealed your glory!
“And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together, or the mouth of the Lord has spoken.” Isaiah 40:5
I’m still in awe of what you have been doing and how you have revealed the mystery of your love and grace through this hardship we’ve been under. It’s hard to even imagine that amidst my grief and suffering, your love was actually being revealed! It is undeniable! Everyone who saw it experienced your love.
Not only did I recieve your comfort, encouragement and peace, you expressed those profound gifts to everyone I came in contact with. And all I can say is wow. The strength and endurance you gave never ceases.
Days later, still in turmoil, still in the midst of suffering, your power continues to manifest in me and around me and through me. And through it all my faith has grown stronger and more solid. That is who you are, God. You are everlasting. You are powerful. You give strength to the weary and you multiply it!
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. 29 He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. 30 Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; 31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31
Thank you, God, for strengthening me, for teaching me your abundant love, and for enduring with me when I felt so tossed by the waves. With a word you spoke my world into stillness and peace. And with all my words I want to praise you!
Broken Alabaster Jar 