Faith

The Struggle is Real

I am struggling, God.  I feel like I’m drowning.  Nothing brings me any solace.  My heart is so heavy with sorrow.  I read the Psalms and I still feel empty.  My moaning is hollow.  The truth that I know isn’t bringing any comfort.  I know you are there and yet I am in such pain.  The world taunts me.  It laughs.  It mocks.  It takes its shots against me.  And I find myself just submitting to it.  I know that’s not what I’m supposed to do.  I know that doesn’t help me.  It just leads to more sadness.  A real struggle.  A vicious circle of torment whips around my thoughts, my heart, my mind.

I’ve hidden your word in my heart, God.  It’s not helping.

I’m pouring over your word: meditating on it day and night.  It’s not helping.

I call out to you and you answer.  It’s not helping.

I blare worship music.  I sing.  I ponder.  It’s not helping.

Where am I falling short?

But the struggle is real, God.  It hurts.  And to think that I don’t even really know what real struggle is.  I don’t know real persecution.  I don’t know real suffering.  And yet here I am pouring out my tears and anguish to you.  I guess my hope in you to hear me is enough.  Collecting tears in a bottle.  Writing volumes and volumes of my struggles turning into faith.

I know this is all the enemy attacking me and trying to steal my joy.  But I’m so tired of fighting.  I’m so bloody tired.  Can you give me some new mercy?  Can you give me more faith.  Can you give me something?

“Because of the Lord’s great love for us, we will not be consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22-23

 

God is Faithful

“Why do the nations rage and the people plot in vain?”
Psalm 2:1

 

God, I just don’t get it.  Why are people so stubborn?  Why do they insist on following false gods and false pleasure and false life that leads to death?  Why do I do these things? Why am I so disobedient?

15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.
16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good.
17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t.
19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.
20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.
22 I love God’s law with all my heart.
23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.
24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?
25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.
Romans 7:15-25

I know the answers, God.  Just like Paul knew the answers.  So, yet again I give it to you. I’ll try to trust you and be thankful for your grace.  I will praise you because your love is bigger than mine. Your forgiveness is bigger than mine.  You forgive me even though I struggle to forgive myself. I want to find rest and peace in it, God.  In your grace, I want to find rest. Help me, God. Help my disbelief. Help me to find rest and peace.  Help me obey you. Help me know that following you brings life.

So why do the nations rage and the people plot in vain?  Because we can’t seem to help ourselves, no matter how hard we try. So, thank you that your love is bigger and your mercy is bigger, and your forgiveness is bigger, and your heart is bigger, and your life is bigger.  Thank you.  Thank you that your love endures forever and that your faithfulness is true.

“if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.”
2 Timothy 2:13

Not by Power, Not by Might, but by the Spirit!

Lord, you are so pleased to reveal your wisdom to your children!  What an honor and privilege to have the mind of God imparted within me to know your heart and your plans for me!  So often I struggle and stumble around, blind to your wisdom, deaf to your voice.  You hold my hand and yet I still stray, wobbling around from side to side, straying this way and that.  I trip over rubble and cry and you kiss away my tears and bandage my bruised and bloodied knees.  And your thoughts remain within me.   In the book of James you show me why I’m always stumbling and falling away from you.  I get doubtful.  I lose faith.

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

James 1:5-6

So, God, I’m asking for wisdom.  I’m asking for faith.  I’m asking you to remove the blinders that I’ve put over my own eyes.  Remove the deafening roar of worldly longings and fears.  Let me receive the generous and loving gift of your ample wisdom, freely offered.  Let me take that wisdom with us much freedom as you offer it!  I’m tired of trusting myself!  No matter how smart I think I am, my wisdom is pure folly without the importation of Your thoughts and heart!  I want to trust you!  I don’t want to lean on my own ideas.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I want to walk with confidence along a straight path, with my fingers interlaced with yours, and my head held high with the pride that comes from standing with you in the righteousness you have made me.  I want to walk in laughter, listening to your voice and seeing all the beautiful sites you have laid out before us.  It’s not just a straight path, it’s a beautiful path.  So, God, I’m asking you to renew my mind.  Take away my focus on the world and the death that it brings to everything, and focus my whole being on You and the life that you offer!

9 But, as it is written,
“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him”—

10 these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. 11 For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. 12 Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. 13 And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual.

14 The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. 15 The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. 16 “For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.

1 Corinthians 2:9-13

Thank you, God, that all this has been made possible to understand and digest because of your Spirit in me.  Only your Spirit knows your heart.  And you have given me your Spirit so that I can freely know the deepest thoughts you have about me and about the world around me.  I can see what you intended with eyes that are no longer blinded by sin.  I can see the incorruptible!  I can see life as you always intended and hoped.  

By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

1 John 4:13

It’s so crazy to me God!  You’ve given me eyes to see the world as you see it!  To see the life you intended in all things.  Satan is such a liar!  He convinced Adam and Eve, the stewards of your creation, that they would be like you by receiving the “knowledge of good and evil”.  But evil is not from you and its only job is to bring death and pain!  To know you is to be brought back to the Garden in the Spirit, where we can walk with you and talk with you about the wisdom and beauty and light of all the things you have made.  All good things.  All life giving things.  I no longer need to be ruled by the knowledge of evil.  It will only bring death.  While you are the bringer of life.  

Thank you for being the Life Bringer, the Life Creator, the Light of the World,  and thank you for being my friend.  I love you, God.  I love you so much!

 

His Hand is Stretched Out Still

Daddy, someone told me yesterday that the first 40 chapters of Isaiah were all about your wrath, and that it wasn’t until chapter 41 that we see your mercy.  He seemed surprised when I answered him with my thoughts on the contrary.  Because Lord, I’ve begun to truly see your compassion and mercy in everything.  It’s like a mighty flood gate has opened and your love and mercy have poured out of it with POWER!  I’m seeing your love in everything!  Especially after hearing a sermon explaining how you define yourself from Exodus 34. God, your love really does endure forever.

You are “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” Exodus 34:6

So, when I was reading Isaiah this morning, and particularly reading in the early chapters that my friend had named chapters of your wrath, all I could see was your great mercy and love!  Wow!  In Isaiah Ch. 9-10 you pronounce the wrath that you will pour out on all things evil that have torn people away from the light and love of your faithfulness.  You promise that you will destroy all the things that have stolen people away from the peace and joy that You provide.  And you warn the people through Isaiah over and over and over:

“For all this anger had not turned away, and his hand is outstretched still.”

Every commentary I looked at said that  your outstretched hand is the hand that will smite the people.  But I just couldn’t make sense of that.  It seemed wrong to me, God.  And so I kept reading.  And sure enough, you showed me the truth.  After the warning of utter destruction you promise, comes your outstretched hand of MERCY.  In chapter 11 you announce that your judgement has a protection clause, and that protection of judgement will come in the form of Messiah Jesus!

“In that day the Lord will extend his hand yet a second time to recover the remains of his people”

Isaiah 11:11

You extend your hand of mercy!  You offer your hand for protection from selfishness and evil intent.  You are offer your hand to any who will take it.  Your judgement comes and

You will say in that day;
“I will give thanks to you, O Lord,
for though you were angry with me,
your anger turned away,
that you might comfort me.
2 “Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.”
3 With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.
4 And you will say in that day:
“Give thanks to the Lord,
call upon his name,
make known his deeds among the peoples,
proclaim that his name is exalted.
5 “Sing praises to the Lord, for he has done gloriously;
let this be made known in all the earth.
6 Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion,
for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.”

Isaiah 12

Your outstretched hand is the hand of mercy and love.  Your hand is extended for all to find cover and protection from the destruction that awaits any who would rather stand on their own, apart from you.  You keep telling us that we cannot save ourselves when the destruction comes.  Only the one who made us can save us.  So, Lord, help people to see that your way is salvation, not destruction.  Your mercy and love will have their way and you will put an end to evil.

“He will raise a signal to the the nations”

You said that “He will raise a signal to the the nations” (Isaiah 11:12) so I’m asking you to burn that signal brighter, so that people will see your love and your offer of protection and be saved.

Amen.

(Sermon Link: What God says about Himself)

White as Snow

Dear Father,  My heart is aching.  As I read your Word I see the deep longing in your heart to see all people, all nations, be brought into the sheltering love of your presence and forgiveness.  I think of Jesus as he rode into Jerusalem and how he wept for the people.  He said, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.” (Mtt 23:37)  You are so desperate for all the people to know you and find peace and rest and love in your arms, but people stubbornly seek after their own gain.  And no matter how rich they become, no matter how much pleasure they find, no matter how many friends they have, no matter how much fame they have achieved, they are lost.  None of these things will last!  Over and over again you have said it, and called people to put their hope in the only thing that will last:  YOU!  

God, you are merciful and kind and full of love.  It is your hope and desire that all would find you and choose to stand with you, but I thank you that your love is so gracious that you would never force anyone to love you.  You won’t enslave people.  You won’t subjugate people.  You bring life and love and peace.  You bring freedom from oppression and forgiveness from our sins.  You bring restoration.  

You say in your Word that if we turn to you, wash off the things that have seduced us and tormented us with lust and greed and cruel intentions, and simply allow you to robe us with your love and forgiveness then we will be together, filled with love and peace, and free of the bondage of all the things in life that have brought us into bondage.  

Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean;
    remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes;
cease to do evil,
17     learn to do good;
seek justice,
    correct oppression;
bring justice to the fatherless,
    plead the widow’s cause.

Isaiah 1:16-17

When we come to you, God, when we throw off evil deeds and pick up the cause of your heart, and when we submit to you and accept the free gift of forgiveness that you have offered from the beginning of time: that you would pay the price for our evil deeds and save us from the consequences of our own actions, only then will we find you and walk with you and reason with you.  We will have forgiveness and find unity with you.  Otherwise we will only find destruction.

18 “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:
though your sins are like scarlet,
    they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
    they shall become like wool.
19 If you are willing and obedient,
    you shall eat the good of the land;
20 but if you refuse and rebel,
    you shall be eaten by the sword;
    for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”

Isaiah 1:18-20

 

So, thank you God that you have offered me forgiveness and freedom.  Thank you that in you I am complete and can find joy even in the midst of darkness. You are light and in you there is no darkness. (1 John 1:5) 

I choose light.  I choose you.

Preparing for Battle

Image result for armor of god

The armor of God has always been one of my favorite passages, but Lord when I’m fighting I seem to forget almost every bit of it!  In the heat of the moment I run into the fight without being prepared.  I let the confidence in my faith replace my faith.  Lord, renew my mind.  Renew my thinking.  How can I be strong in You if I am focused on me?  How can I fight with my hands when You are the one “who has trained my hands for war and my fingers for battle”? (Psalm 144:1)

Lord, be my strength and my armor.  The only way I can stand against the schemes of the enemy is by Your power.  If I have been made the righteousness of God, then let me walk in that righteousness and not my own!  I’m not fighting a physical fight.  I’m fighting a spiritual fight.  A fight that never ends, but one that I can endure through your power.  I know it’s not against flesh and blood that I fight.  So, Lord, help me not to fight in flesh and blood.  Help me to fight in spirit!  Clad in your salvation, your righteousness, your peace, your truth, your faith, and your Word.

It seems so obvious God.  You don’t just cover me with the armor of your own body, you fill me.  You and I are one if only I would let you rule in my heart!  You have given me “a new self, a new life, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:24)  

So, God, I’m asking you to keep me clad in your robe of righteousness.  Keep me clad in your full armor, day and night, so that I am indeed ready for the siege of the enemy.  He is relentlessly barraging me with arrows, but your Faith is enduring.  It doesn’t fail.  It doesn’t falter. Help me not to partner with the darkness and the desires of my flesh.  Help me instead to partner with you, in your light and love.  Help me to honor all that you have done for me by taking the time to be obedient to your requests so that I can conquer the enemy day in and day out through the power of your Spirit.  

It’s not rocket science, God.  It’s so simple.  It’s so honest and gentle and perfect because that is who you are, Jesus.  That is who you are.  So, in order to be perfect as you are perfect, I must let you lead me in all things.  I need to diligently relinquish myself to the desires of my sinful nature, and fully embrace the gentle cleansing and perfecting of Your presence in me.  You create in me a clean heart.  You restore my soul.  You wrap yourself around me and place your tent over me to protect me.  No weapon formed against me can stand against You.  

I will pray at all times in the spirit, and keep alert with perseverance, because you have made me to endure and to persevere.  I will stand and boldly proclaim the gospel for which I am an ambassador.  Then people will see you and know you through me.  And you will be glorified.  And you will be exalted.  And you will truly be the king of my heart.

I love you, Jesus.  I will keep trying.

God’s Poetry in Us

 

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

Ephesians 2:10

 

Heavenly Father, God, Creator of all things, you hear me and love me and know my heart.  You know me in my innermost being.  You made me.  You knit me together in my mother’s womb.  You created me to be your masterpiece of love and joy.  In all the world, in all who have been made and walked the other, there is no one else like me.  I am completely unique.  Like every star in the sky.  Unique and special and made for a purpose.  Lord, thank you for making me.  Thank you for gifting me with all good gifts.  Your love has made me your servant for eternity, but not just to serve you but to be a part of your family, to be an heir to your kingdom along with Jesus.  Therefore, Daddy, teach me your ways, show me your path, guide my steps in the right truth of your covenant made with Abraham, so that I can be a part of all that you wanted from me and hoped for me from the beginning of Creation.  I marvel, my Lord, at what you have done in me, and at the miracle of who I am and what you have hoped for me from the very start of time itself.  

I want to serve you, God.  I want to worship you.  If all I do is sing your praise then I am satisfied, so long is that is what you ask me to do.  I pray Lord that all people, all nations, all kings and princes, all beggars and soldiers, all oppressed and oppressing would know you with the same intimacy that you have given me.  The same intimacy that you have given all your children through the divine power of the Holy Spirit.  What an incredible gift!  To have such intimacy with you!  And that is all you have ever wanted from humanity, for each and every one of us, to be your FRIENDS, to be your partners.  You chose us all from the very beginning.  What joy that is.  What peace it provides!  How could anyone doubt the truth of your intentions?  Because all you have ever wanted is to love us and know us.  

In you is no darkness.  Not one shadow can exist in the light of your presence.  Not one evil thought can endure.  Not one evil deed can succeed in your Holy light.  So, deliver us from the darkness of this fallen world and from the powers and principalities of this present darkness.  This world doesn’t belong to them.  We claim it for you once more, Father God.  For the sake of your son and for His sacrifice, we lift up Jesus as our King.  We are no longer slaves to fear and doubt, to the evil and corruptible things of this world.  We stand in your light and are not consumed because you have saved us!  You have defeated the enemy!  

Give me joy in the battle, Lord. You will rescue me from every evil deed.  I will find you in the waiting and know that you are my God and that I am your daughter and a joint heir with Jesus.  Jesus has asked for the nations, Lord.  Give them to him!  Increase your Kingdom!  Cleanse this place once and for all.  

Give strength to your workers and endurance for the days to come.  Darkness thinks it is winning.  There is darkness everywhere today, Lord.  Darkness on every street corner.  In every place.  The human condition has been tainted, Lord and all are lost.  But you have saved us through your son.  You have brought light into the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it, no matter how hard it tries.  Help us to hold onto that promise as the days grow dimmer and dimmer around us.  Help us to be your light and life.  Shine through us, as we allow your Spirit to have dominion over our hearts.  Let us all be well equipped to be your light bearers, wherever we go.

I long for your peace, Lord.  I long for your rest.  Give us endurance.  Give us peace and rest.  Come Lord Jesus, Come!  Return to your people once again.  Restore your Kingdom.  Amen.

Salvation Belongs to the Lord

“Salvation belongs to the Lord.”  Jonah 2:9

Father, salvation belongs to you and you alone!  You are merciful and full of love!  While we were your enemies you died for us.  So, Jesus, I’m so sorry for all the times I had hate in my heart instead of mercy, for all the times I wanted to see vengeance poured out on my enemies instead of love and mercy.  My heart aches to realize that there are times when I have run away from your mercy for others because of my own hurt or anger.  I’ve looked at the evil in the world and I’ve longed to see you put it to an end, and I know that one day you will do that.  You will put an end to the rampant sin of the sons of disobedience.  But before you do that you offer your salvation.  You say in your word that it is your heart that all would find redemption and reconciliation in you.  So, I’m sorry that, like Jonah, I have questioned your love for others while freely accepting it for myself.  Thank you that you have forgiven me.

So now Lord, I lift up to you your enemies.  I lift up to you the murderers, the rapists, the pedophiles, the liars, the cheaters, the profaners, the torturers.  I lift up the broken, the bruised, the beaten, the subjugated.  You died for them all.  You died for them and paid the price for their sins that they could find joy and peace and have changed hearts.  Salvation belongs to you alone, Jesus.  And you have chosen us all “from the foundation of the world”.  Who am I to question it?  Your love is greater than me.  Your mercy is greater than me.  Your heart is greater than my heart.  Your ways are higher than my ways.  Salvation belongs to you.  So use me to share your love with those who don’t have it.  Use me to love those who have no love.  Use me to bring life to those who are walking in death.  Use me to offer the cleansing love of your Son to those who are dirty and ruled by sin.  Use me, God.  Here I am.  Send me.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit in me.” Psalm 51:10

Amen.

His Promises are True

Romans 8:31-39 (NLT)

31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

 

Father, thank you for the gift of life you have given us.  Thank you that the promises you gave to Abraham remain and that I am a part of your family and part of the inheritance that you promised mankind from the beginning.  You made us to be your friends, to be your children, to walk with you and commune with you.  It was always your plan to protect us, to love us, and to be in union with us.  I’m sorry that I haven’t always believed that.  I’m sorry for the lies of the enemy that I have allowed to take root in my heart.  Lord, I am so grateful that you forgive me regardless of my failings.  Thank you that your promise to Abraham is still true today, and that your promise will continue for eternity.  Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is found in Christ Jesus.

Lord, as I read through the end of Genesis (Genesis 42-50) and watched again how you continued to bless Joseph through many trials and great suffering, I am comforted.  You really do work all things for good for those who love you.  And through the suffering and condemnation and betrayal of the one man, Joseph, you saved a whole family, as well as saving the promise you gave to Abraham.  That’s what you do, God.  You save.  Through Joseph you proclaim what you would do for all people through Jesus.  Though we sin against you, though we were your enemies, you gave Jesus to die for us.  He suffered so we wouldn’t have to.  Just like Joseph suffered.  His brothers were guilty, but Joseph trusted you, even when it hurt.

I want to trust you more, Jesus.  I want to trust you when it hurts.  I want to know and feel the truth of your promises everyday and every moment.  With every breath, Lord, let me breathe in your truth, your love, and your salvation, so that I can stand strong against the schemes of the enemy.  I am yours God.  I am yours through the fire and trial of this sinful world.  Please use me to save others by living a life that would recognize the fully glorified risen Christ that is alive and active within me.  Salvation is by you alone.  Shine through me, Jesus!  Shine your light and love through every pore of my body that your people, chosen from the beginning through Adam, can be reconciled to you, just as Jacob’s sons were reconciled to you through Joseph.

Like Joseph, let me always point to your promise.  Let me always recognize your power at work in me!  I don’t want to ever give myself credit for the power that you have provided.  Without you, I’d miss out on all that you planned from the beginning for me.  I don’t want to miss any of that, God.  I want to shine.

So, by the name of the Lord Jesus, by his power, and by his might I proclaim the truth of the living Christ over me and any who would believe it and accept it:  That Jesus came as a man; that he lived a perfect life even made “a little lower than the angels”; that he suffered and died the death every sinner deserves though he never deserved it; that he rose from the dead as proof of his promise to me that he is God and that he has power over sin and death; that his restored life is a promise of restored life in me; and finally that he placed his Spirit in me as a sealed promise reminder that my life is his, with all the benefits that such a thing provides.  What the enemy intends to harm me, God will use for good.  

The battle is won.  The victory of Christ is secured!  I am dead now to sin because of Jesus’ defeat of all sin on the cross of calvary.  And my life is new, made new by the surety of Jesus’ resurrection from the dead.  He proved his power.  He proved his victory.  I will hold onto that victory and draw my peace from that promise.  That promise sealed by God himself.  I am his and he is mine.  We are inseparable.  

Lord, show the world the unending and relentless love of Christ through me!  Amen.