16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
Jesus, I’m haunted. The sins of my past, both big and small, haunt me and I’ve grown too comfortable with just accepting that feeling. I’ve let myself think that there is no way to move past them. I’ve believed the enemy’s lies, Lord. And I’m sorry. I’ve let him put me into a million different cages of fear, doubt, shame, and sorrow. Lord help me, I’ve been comfortable there. I’ve been so comfortable. It’s all I’ve known for so long.
You’ve promised me your blood has paid the price for my sins, no matter what they were, no matter who they hurt. You’ve promised me that my sins are forgiven, that you’ve paid the eternal price for them and have had victory. I’ve known that in my head since I was a little girl, ever since you saved me, Jesus. But I’ve let my callouses build up, I’ve let them be a shield instead of You. I’ve tried to fight my own battles, even as you cried out to me to let You fight instead.
I’m tired of accepting defeat. I’m tired of listening to lies. I’m tired of beating myself up for the wrongs I’ve committed against You. I’m tired of carrying the weight of their burdon, Lord. Help me to release them. Help me to be humble enough to accept Your forgiveness, because I know that it is pride and shame that have kept me from believing Your blood is enough. Help me to have the humility to give up control so that I can receive the victory I can never find on my own.
I’m sorry, Lord. I don’t want to do that anymore. Help me, Jesus. Help me to receive Your salvation fresh and new right now. Help me to walk in Your victory and Your peace. Your blood was enough. Your blood IS enough. You are enough. Help me, Jesus. Help me to move forward. Help me to have hope. Help me let go. Get me out of all these cages I’ve put myself in and let me be done with it forever.